Hope Is Not Eternal
by kira-nerys
Summary: Garak is hurting.


Hope is not Eternal   
by [kira-nerys][1]

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Title: Hope is not eternal  
Author: kira-nerys  
Rating: G  
Codes; DS9 G (B) Angst.  
Summary: Garak is hurt.   
Author's note. Not a happy story.   
Disclaimer. Oh yes, they do belong to Paramount, I just wanted Garak to suffer a little.   
Feedback: [kira-nerys@geocities.com][1]

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**-=*)]\/[(*=- -=*)]\/[(*=- -=*)]\/[(*=-**

**I might as well be on Mars,  
**Alice Cooper "Hey Stoopid" 1991

You told me you were better off alone  
I never knew that tears could sting

I'm on the roof and I'm starin' at the stars  
Looking down at all the cars  
I can see you  
In the window of your favorite corner bar  
But to reach you is just too far  
And I might as well be on Mars

The city seems so old and gray and beat  
It closes in and makes me want to suffocate  
And you just live across the street  
But that's a billion miles away.

You turned my world into a dark and lonely place  
Like a planet lost in space  
My life is fading  
I'd cross the Universe to be right where you are  
But I'm right in your backyard  
And I might as well be on Mars

I might as well be on Mars  
You can't see me  
I might as well be the man on the moon  
You can't hear me  
Oh, can you hear me?  
So close and yet so far

Baby, I might as well be on Mars  
Baby I can't fly  
If I could I'd come down to you  
Maybe I should try

**-=*)]\/[(*=- -=*)]\/[(*=- -=*)]\/[(*=-**

Garak was standing on the Promenade, leaning against the railing. His form was stiff and tired. Anyone who looked at him might say that he suddenly looked older, much older. His face was grayer than usual and his features were craggy. But nobody really stopped to look at him. Garak had become as uninteresting as furniture or the Cardassian layout of the station itself. The people around him went on with their own business. 

To Garak it felt like life had come to an end. 

Seven years had he shared his lunches with Dr. Julian Bashir. For seven years he had made subtle passes at the young man. All of which had been either ignored or unnoticed. Garak still wasn't sure which. After these seven years he had finally been able to sum up the courage needed to tell the young doctor how he felt. Garak leaned heavier down on the railing, and buried his face in his hands. He regretted it now, telling Julian. Anything was better than this overwhelming loneliness and darkness that suddenly surrounded his heart. At least before he had the hope to cling to.

The station never felt so small before. It was as if those grayish walls were cramping in on him, shrinking with each breath he took. Why should he care? Why should he even bother with this life anymore? Julian, the only person that really meant anything to him anymore had turned his back on him. 

As he stood there now, he watched Julian walk along the promenade with his arm around Ezri Dax. Ezri Dax had managed to bring out the smile in Julian, the smile that Garak hadn't seen on the young man's face since those famous enhancements had become public knowledge. It certainly wasn't for a lack of trying either. 

I was a fool to ever think he could love me, Garak thought as he followed the lithe form of his former friend with his eyes. He swallowed hard. It was pathetic. The Cardassian spy, the Obsidian Order agent, the protegé of the most dangerous man on Cardassia - the son of Enabran Tain, brought to tears over a young human male? 

Garak swallowed once more. Julian was avoiding him now. He had lost even the friendship. It felt like he had been thrown into the depths of the place the humans called Hell. He was used to being lonely, isolated and uncared for. But being used to it didn't make it easier. He could still remember the utter shock in Julian's eyes as he told him the truth. 

"I love you Julian, I've loved you for so long"

He cringed at the memory of uttering those words, at seeing how Julian's eyes turned from initial shock to pity. 

Pity 

How humiliating. 

Garak hadn't even stayed long enough to hear Julian's reply. The look in those hazel eyes that tore right into his heart had been enough. He did not need to hear the verbal rejection. 

He would live. It would take time, but he had healed before. He would do so again. 

Garak lifted his head and moved backwards from the railing. At that moment, Julian's head turned and their eyes met. Julian's face changed as if he was about to say something, but Garak turned away. He did not want to speak to his friend. Not now not ever.

**_~ The End ~_**

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**Send feedback to the author. [kira-nerys@geocities.com][1] **

   [1]: mailto:kira-nerys@geocities.com



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